@SuperRandomish: Cupcakes are amazing, because holding a full size cake up to your face isn't socially acceptable for some reason.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: today I went for a run & a homeless guy was like WHAT ARE YOU RUNNING FROM & I was like EVERYTHING
@IvoryGazelle: there's no rule that says you have to share your birthday cake, you can just blow out the candles and take that shit home with u
@xodeadlykissxo: Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.
@JoleenDoreen: A guy asked me out! Well, a guy asked me if I was going to be the same place he is. FINE, my boss called to see if I was coming to work.