@green_babe_: Curiosity doesn't kill anything, stupidity does.
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@roxiqt: [God making raccoons] GOD: I want a goth red panda ANGEL: so like... a regular panda GOD: no, make it small ANGEL: okay GOD: [taking bong rip] ... and good at shoplifting
@_Water_Baby: Scary is handing your car keys to the same kid who unintentionally locked himself in the bathroom that morning.
@iwearaonesie: wife: I TOLD you not to try a 360 with the grocery cart me: It was really nice when everyone started clapping after they saw I was ok though