@9GAG: Curiosity is on #Mars. Sure went a long way after killing the cat.
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@DrDogMD: PATIENT: my stomach is killing me, doc DR DOG: I've got just the thing for you *hands him a prescription bottle filled with grass*
@lazerdoov: Gonna get "na na na na na na na na" tattooed on my forearm. I'll tell girls it's Hey Jude and I'll tell dudes it's the Batman theme.
@daplusk: Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day.nnI nearly choked on my decaf double choc mocha latte.
@thesulk: Next time you're on an elevator with a stranger say, "If the doors open and it's all zombies, let's team up."