@ChaseMit: Obama says he supports gay marriage because his views have "evolved." Republicans unsure which half of the sentence to get more angry about.

@Be___Dope: Her: You like shopping? Me: Oh god yes! Her: What's your favorite place? Me: The grocery store. There is a whole aisle of just cheese!

@fro_vo: me folding laundry: ugh another sock is missing puppet on my hand: how does that keep happening

@AngelaEhh: Did a crunch. Sprained an ovary. 0/10. Do not recommend.

@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake a heart attack every Monday work sends you to HR and not the hospital.