Curling seems like the kind of game Mr. Miyagi would’ve made up to trick Daniel into cleaning his floors.
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It doesn’t come up often in the movie, but one weapon we have against Predator is a handful of glitter
‘You probably have to pee soon, huh?’
~ The monster under my bed
everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places
even after eight years of being a dog parent i am still amazed daily how quickly and brazenly my seat gets stolen
My daughter quickly pulled my glasses off and threw them on the floor, and out of habit, I gave her my lunch money and stuffed myself in a locker.
I thought I was a good person until my daughter asked me, “Would you step on a dog for 8 million dollars?”
I hate when I see a friend and wave all excited but they just keep being a jar of peanut butter.
If watching 80’s music videos has taught me anything, it’s that you don’t need talent if you have a fog machine.
Yeah, conservatives. I will marry a dog. I’ll marry 12 dogs. I’m a dog mormon now.
“Your highness, an egg has fallen off a wall”
“Send all my men”
“But excellency I…”
“And all of my horses too”
“I don’t…”
“ALL OF THEM!”
[tries to take a selfie]
Phone: NOT ENOUGH SPACE.
[deletes a bunch of photos]
Phone: still tho… don’t.
when my bf tells me i’m cute but i’ve just woken up and i’m grumpy
The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a hot glue gun is a good guy with a hot glue gun.
When I said I was a “first responder” I meant that I am quick to send the thumbs up emoji in the family text thread.
put a pic of a girl with perfect abs on my fridge so I’m motivated to suck in my gut every time I pull out the ice cream
A smile in Canada is called a smilometre.
My husband is out w/friends & I’m at home w/the kids. I’m going to sprinkle Legos under the covers on his side of the bed.
Boyfriend: I’m home! (looks into garbage can) Hey. Did you eat like five candy bars today?
Me: AM I UNDER INVESTIGATION HERE!?*
*i did
*accidentally points showerhead in wrong direction*
OH NO! MY SHOWER TRISCUITS!
Unless you’re a pregnancy test, take that negativity elsewhere.
*Michael Cera stubs his toe on a cotton ball*
I did the universal sign for “call me” and my tween gave me a confused look and asked “on a banana?”
[Nightclub]
Me: *shouting over the loud music at the bartender* WHAT IS THE SOUP OF THE DAY
I just saw a poster that said “have you seen this man?” With a number to call… So I called the number and told them “No.”
him: does this pillow feel lumpy
me: [sneaking a handful of shredded cheese out of the pillowcase] seems fine to me
Last month my mom asked what “af” meant and I said it meant “like REALLY something” without saying what it stood for
Nope. Not gonna follow anyone whose name is upside down. I got enough problems.
If you thought the Dalai Lama giggled alot, then you obviously never met the Mwahaharajah
[Pixar Studios]
HIRING MANAGER: Your resume says you have prior experience with animation, is that correct?
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Yes