@envydatropic: Current life status - By the time I figure out what nostril is plugged, it jumps to the other side.
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@LorieGZ: Getting a snowstorm today. They said it would start around noon, it's now 12:02, so already the meteorologists were wrong.
@TheCiscoKidder: Me: It'll just make mom grumpy, so don't tell her that the dishwa..... 4 year old: MOM! DISHWASHER'S BROKEN!
@ConanOBrien: I hate it when adults try to relate to youth using slang. Guess that’s what makes me a woke bae.
@decentbirthday: Evil villain: You can run but you can't hide! Me: That's where you're wrong pal. *out of breath* I can't do either