@envydatropic: Current life status - By the time I figure out what nostril is plugged, it jumps to the other side.
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@Xoolun: Being a single man has to be depressing when you think that even a guy like Hitler had a girlfriend.
@TheThomason: Before handing your wallet and wife's necklace over to that angry gunman, pause to consider how sweet it would be if your son became Batman.
@Chumpstring: [blind date gets in car] Okay, I wanna have dinner early so we can go to Petco & watch 'em feed the snakes. Unless you wanna do Petco first.