@envydatropic: Current life status - By the time I figure out what nostril is plugged, it jumps to the other side.
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@vineyille: [Pastabot 2000 attempts to hand me another bowl of pasta] Jesus christ not now Pastabot
@ericsshadow: My 9 year old ran away for an hour and by the time he came back my wife had already turned his bedroom into a yoga studio.
@sofarrsogud: #MarriedPeopleIssues You hang up.. No, you hang up... You hang up.... Noooo, you hang up. They're your clothes. I'm not your maid.
@JiminyKicksIt: It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.