@Jessdaisy: Current relationship status:
Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
@rockymomax: [i bite into an apple and a swarm of bees comes flying out]
"this gives me an idea for a restaurant"
@stephenjmolloy: *stationary for 7 hours*
Me: "Actually, I'm not sure this is one of those driverless cars."
@tastefactory: DOCTOR: You've suffered a brain injury. It's affected your hippocampus
ME:What? Lol sorry I was picturing hippos at college. Who are u again
@IvoryGazelle: I threw my bra on stage at a concert once. It landed somewhere in the flute section.
@chuuew: ME: sorry boss, can't come in today. i'm sick as a dog.
DOG: [heelys passed - smoking a pipe] you wish, bro