@Jessdaisy: Current relationship status:
Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
@imjustdiane: The 6th day of xmas was the worst day of xmas bc after getting 5 golden rings she thought he moved on to jewelry & did not expect more birds
@walterjean182: Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to diss a brie. I cheddar the world and the feta cheese.
@TheHyyyype: [philosophy class]
PROFESSOR: u must question everything
ME: *grabs lamp and shakes it* what have u been doing all day?!
@baaabs_29: I remember when I used to play hard to get.. now I'm like hi i love you, ring size 4.5, my uterus is healthy, please marry me.
@causticbob: My wife and I have agreed on a trial separation.
The kids aren't to keen, but my wife and I just don't want them anymore.