@garrettbarry70: Currently helping my wife looking for her favourite vase that I threw out six months ago.
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@murrman5: [roommate watching me get ready] dont take that with you "why not" why would you "it'll be fine" [hour into date and I spill my bag of ants]
@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.
@SaraMansford: Things I use my car for, from most to least: 1)Tweeting while parked 2)Snacking 3)Transporting bugs that can fly but are lazy 4)Driving