@dlockw21: Currently on minute 137 of Easy~Bake Oven cupcakes. I'll be live Tweeting their status as they crisp up over the next day or two.
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@BobTheSuit: Job interview with the NSA Applicant: Would you like references? NSA: We have everything we need. App: You guys! NSA: I know, right!
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Boyfriend calls me Gluteal Myalgia because he thinks I'm too dumb to understand what it means. Let's see how he likes the name Microphallus
@truegritrumble: ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license.