@priya_ebooks: currently texting 'Happy Father's Day' to all the men in my phone to freak them out
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@TheDairylandDon: Where do avocados come from? Uh, well, when a crocodile loves a pear very much...
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Historical fact: The term "bro" originated over a hundred million years ago and was short for brontosaurus.
@iGreenMonk: Baked turkey for 4 and a half days - instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! #MyProblem