@TumblrEdits: Curved TV Problems..
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@flashember: Dog (curled up, napping): I never poop on the carpet and I love cats. Wife: Is the dog talking in its sleep? "Shhh let sleeping dogs lie."
@Beatonm5: someone explain to me 72 hour protection deodorants and antiperspirants. If you bathe everyday, that like defeats the whole purpose right??
@TheRolo: [Sees restaurant is packed] *Pays hostess $20 to read note* "Attn patrons there is a vintage yard sale across the street" *Hipsters clear*
@catstronomical: Me:Come in. It's not like I'm a serial killer. Him:*laughs nervously* Me: *laughing* u have to murder more than 2 ppl for it to be serial