@Eatingyourwords: cut a hole in the bottom of my tub of popcorn while on a date so when she goes for some she accidentally grabs a copy of my mixtape
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@heidiknits: Just had a 9 minute argument with The Boy over why he needs to change his underwear this morning. Don't forget your birth control, friends.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [taking pregnant wife to hospital ER] Me: Help! My wife's having contradictions! Dr: Don't you mean contractions? Wife: Never say never
@BuckyIsotope: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE THOR - "here" HULK - "here" IRON MAN - "here" CAPT. AMERICA - "here" USELESS ARROW GUY - ... I SAID- HAWKEYE- I HEARD YOU