@Eatingyourwords: cut a hole in the bottom of my tub of popcorn while on a date so when she goes for some she accidentally grabs a copy of my mixtape
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@SteveSuckington: "Hello, this is Steve, my wife is listening." - How I answer every phone call since my wife bought Bluetooth for my car.
@caliluvgirl77: [first date] Boy: so where are you from? Me: [points to all you can eat sign] I live here now.
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? Me: Cuz you SMELLED THIS DONUT? *tosses donut out window* Cop: ... Me: Aren't you gonna go get- Cop: Get out.
@CanadianCyn: This pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense.