@pvponline: Cut to Obama and Biden silently eating schwarma.
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@gwatts77: If I donate blood and you're in an unfortunate circumstance of needing it don't blame me for never being able to pass a drug test again.
@Brentweets: Twitter is like a dorm, someone is always up at every hour, someone is crying and someone is drunk.
@roxiqt: [talking to a date] "I hate rushing into relationships." [talking to a new friend] "I'm tired of dating. Run away with me & we'll get married in Vegas. We can start a raccoon farm outside of town & grow old together. No one can stop us."