@SortaBad: *cute bartender gives me back my credit card*
"No it's cool, you keep it"
@Darlainky: Shoutout to all the guests at my wedding that forever held their peace......WHAT THE HELL DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!?!
@1evilidiot: You people that are getting sex regularly either need to keep that shit to yourselves or be more descriptive.
@ericsshadow: STOP TEXTING ME. IF I EVER PLANNED ON TALKING TO YOU AGAIN I WOULDN'T HAVE BORROWED ALL THAT MONEY.
@RandiLawson: Sometimes I wish I was a mermaid. Maybe then HR would stop hassling me for wearing a seashell bra on casual Fridays.
@cynicuhl: My IQ? With google or without?