@SortaBad: *cute bartender gives me back my credit card*
"No it's cool, you keep it"
@ThaJawn: Pro Tip
Jehovah's Witnesses will do anything to talk to you, including your dishes and laundry
@TheTweetOfGod: A cannibal is just a foodie who likes other foodies.
@fillthevacuum: We got two inches of snow last night and now I can't find my Smart Car.
@Tommytoughstuff: Here's another great thing about hot tubs [pulls out a bowl of fully cooked ramen from under the water]
@Duke1173: You're telling me that you paid eight dollars for a cup of coffee...
They don't put any booze in it or nothin?