@SortaBad: *cute bartender gives me back my credit card*
"No it's cool, you keep it"
@WordsOfaHooker: "So you're a foodie? What's a foodie?"
"We enjoy eating out and trying new food."
"So you're like everyone else, except you brag about it?"
@envydatropic: I'm at the age where "pop, lock, and drop" is about my knee giving out instead of dance moves
@EJGomez: if ur getting chased by a bunch of drunk 90's kids just yell out "in west Philadelphia born & raised" then u got like 2 min to run
@_CherriAnn_: My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can't carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
@Eightinchgoat: My neighbor seriously just asked me, "Does Canada have 4th of July?"
I said "No, they skip from the 3rd to the 5th, eh?
I need to move.