@SortaBad: *cute bartender gives me back my credit card*
"No it's cool, you keep it"
@iGreenMonk: *Neighbor text - Sorry for using your wife. Use only when you're not at home*
*Neighbor text again - I mean 'Wifi' not wife*
@Kristen_Arnett: the man next to me at this airport bar just sent at least 30 cry laugh emojis to a person in a text while he sat stoically drinking a heineken
@Quartzjixler: I think the inventor of the internet likely didn't intend for it to be used to post videos of simians reacting to humans doing magic tricks.
@tequilasaltlife: Vacuum the cat, its easier than vacuuming his hair from the whole house
@SCbchbum: I wouldn’t mind being catcalled if it were useful: “Hey baby, boot sale at Macy’s!” or, “Line’s shorter at Starbucks on 5th, sweet cheeks!”