@SortaBad: *cute bartender gives me back my credit card*
"No it's cool, you keep it"
@Bluestmoon_: My neighbors wifi isn't working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
@kaytaa: Sometimes I ask my husband to put away the clean dishes so I can play kitchen scavenger hunt next time I need something.
@rivetingbonmots: There is no "I" in the word "team," but I don't think that means anything about team work. That's just how it's spelled.
@BatBatshitcrazy: In the summer there's only so many clothes you can take off. On that note, please send bail money.
@3sunzzz: 4yo: Do you want to play pretend?
Me: I already am.
4yo: What pretend?
Me: Shh, you're not here.