@TheRealRHB: Cute neighbor mows her lawn almost naked, so I sneak over there at night and sprinkle Miracle-Gro all over her yard.. costly but so worth it
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@mantej: Why would anyone ever think gay people tear apart the fabric of society? They love fabric.
@PaperWash: Karate Kid (1984) A Japanese man teaches a desperate young boy about bullying by forcing him to fix his house.
@Gooooats: Me: you're going to bed in 5 minutes. Toddler: No. Twenty minutes! Me: Ok. *puts him to bed in 2 minutes because he has no concept of time*