@_NTFG_: CW: What did you do on the weekend?
ME: I baked
CW: Nice. What did you bake?
@DurtMcHurtt: [first day being homeless]
What thread count are these newspapers?
@gruffybeard: Her: Why is every chocolate in the box half eaten?
[Flashback to me biting every piece to find one I like]
Me: We have a rat problem.
@donni: Strawberry is a terrible name. "Ooh, a berry with all the flavor of a straw," you'd think. But you'd be wrong
Boss: What's your greatest strength?
Me: I'm a risk taker
B: Can you give an example?
M: *Passionately kisses boss*
@Maxine12333: Neighbor asked me over for coffee and said 'make yourself comfortable', so I did, I went home.