@CauseWereDads: "Dad, lil bro pooped on the floor!"nMe: Ok, just like we practiced. I'll hide in garage, you go tell Mommy. This convo never happened! GO!
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@mstluvstrinkets: You Shook Me All Night Long is a great song that also describes what I do to my husband when he's snoring.
@jenlaw_11: If a server comes to my table and asks 'hows everythin tasting?' mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer
@Playing_Dad: My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.
@HavocMantis: Whenever I work out, I wear a push-up bra so I can do more push-ups. If I didn't, it'd be so embarrassing and people would laugh at me.