@xysist: Dad: Where were you?
Earth wire: Hanging out with live and Neutral
Dad: You grounded
@Dustinkcouch: When I was in 6th grade, I asked a girl out with a note and she wrote back "Maybe :)" so idk man I might have plans tonight.
@ilovepie84: "I gave that guys wife a pearl necklace"
@TheKegKiller: Scientists recently discovered T-Rex hunted in packs, confirming once again that we should all send that asteroid a thank you card.
@ericacanrant: If your partner makes you sleep closest to the door, you are either the protector or bait for the zombies.
@KrunkedRobot: Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.