@xysist: Dad: Where were you?
Earth wire: Hanging out with live and Neutral
Dad: You grounded
@GaryJanetti: Next season on Game of Thrones they're actually going to come to your house and start killing the people watching.
@flashember: When life hands you donkeys, move to a mountainous region.
@Haha_No_Mofo: My doctor told me, "DON'T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
@shopkins776: *puts on headphones
*cranks "Eye of the Tiger"
*downs energy drink
*laces up Nikes
*runs out into 13° weather
*runs back inside
ME: wanna know how to lose 15 lbs with 1 easy trick?!
*a surgeon amputates my leg right there on stage*