@UNTRESOR: Dad, who's Daniel Day-Lewis? *Dad peers out the blinds* He could be anyone, son. *Mom starts weeping* He could be anyone.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@chopper4jk: Text: How come you stopped drinking? Me: Because I kept waking up with you. Her: I hate you.
@angelunatic_: Picture me and my boyfriend on a dinner date Wrong We're sitting on the same side of the table making you uncomfortable
@MikeCanRant: I wait til the mailman comes to send all my emails in front of him while keeping eye contact and whispering "Your end is nigh, letter boy."