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@TheToddWilliams: DAD: You're adapted.
@Moldy_Jellybean: My signature move is getting drunk before anyone can ask me to be the designated driver.
@dragonsorbet: [Picking up girls]
Me: you like bad boys, huh?
Me to my wing man: tell them
Wing man: he's just literally the worst
@cervixsmash: It was the busta rhymes, it was the worsta rhymes
@InternetHippo: *turns on the news*
I wonder if things are getting better in the wor--
tv: AN ALLIGATOR ATE A BABY
@Muath_tu: I hate when I'm running away from monsters at the temple then crash into a tree and die because I wanted to collect all the gold.