@DaddyJew: "Daddy, how are babies made?"
"Well son, when a man and a woman have too much to drink.."
@AtticusFinch79: [blind date]
HIM: so Paul says that you're a real charmer *smiles*
ME:*whips out three snakes from my bag and a flute* you bet i am
@LeviathanPride: Guys at work are always like "why are your shorts so short?" Then I spin kick an inch away from their face with such precision and they know
@JessBWatson: I'm not sure what I did wrong but the pile of LEGOs left on the bath mat while I was in the shower seems like some kind of threat.
@Scimommy: 90% of parenting older kids is making sure they're not in the same room when they have to do homework.
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is relaxing by his pool. he's got so much sunscreen on that he slowly slides off his lounger, out of the gate & down the road