@DaddyJew: "Daddy, how are babies made?"
"Well son, when a man and a woman have too much to drink.."
@TheTweetOfGod: This year's Christmas must-haves? Food, water and shelter! #theclassics
@ItsAndyRyan: DRIVING ON HIGHWAY
Wife: You just missed a right.
Me: Thanks babe – you just MRS right.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I liked the movie Taken better the first time I saw it when it was called Finding Nemo.
@Marcmywords2: Don't believe that bullshit.
Failure is ALWAYS an option.
@kumailn: What a weird thing that a Presidential candidate is like "I tried to stab my friend" & his opponents are like "no you didn't."