@RealDMK: "Daddy, I want to watch Dora." Sweetie this is Dora. It's the one where she plays an NBA basketball game against the Brooklyn Nets
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@Chumpstring: [airport] SON: can i yell bomb? DAD: no. SON: hijack? DAD: nope. SON: how about shitballer? DAD: uh yeah i guess but please don't.
@michaelianblack: Fun fact: The hip word "chillax" is a combination of the slang term "chill" and the more traditional word "laxative."
@AaronFullerton: If you had a terrible childhood, you'll be super-bummed out by Bank of America's options for security questions.
@GrantTanaka: Nice Confederate flag bro, way to commemorate coming in second place in a civil war.