@RealDMK: "Daddy, I want to watch Dora." Sweetie this is Dora. It's the one where she plays an NBA basketball game against the Brooklyn Nets
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@qwertying: I spent the entire day throwing darts at a picture of my wife. *wife phones* Wife: What you doing? Husband: Missing you.
@krishna_van: I don't always say 'oops', but when I do, it's usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
@Donna_McCoy: Autocorrect just changed faux pas to faux pasta and this gluten war has gotten out of hand.