@DaddyJew: Daddy, what's for dinner?
"did you have cereal for breakfast?"
@TheRolo: When I'm in a bathroom stall, please don't yell "Oh my God oh my God there's a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
@OBiiieeee: a girl took a grilled cheese out of her purse and threw it across the street like a frisbee to me i never thought i'd be able to love again
@SortaBad: saleslady: can I help you
"yes, how many leg holes do these pants have?"
saleslady: ummm just the usual two
@3sunzzz: Friend 1: I love dry shampoo; it's so simple!
F2: no water
F3: no chemicals
Me: Your hair is filthy.
@ladybroseph: *drives motorized scooter into meeting I'm late for, around the conference table, and out the door*