@DaddyJew: Daddy, what's for dinner?
"did you have cereal for breakfast?"
@samalmightysam: What I learned from Titanic was that u need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person u like cause u never know what might happen.
@Jake_Vig: ALIEN: You Earthlings have many technological advances. How do you predict the weather?
ME: We pull a rodent out of a box.
@Fat_Jalbert: Waiter: how would you like your steak?
Waiter: *brings steak with a 1st edition Charizard on it*
Me: *tearing up* perfect
@breatheandlove: People say I'm hard to get hold of but my fax machine is always on.
@ThisOneSayz: Me: It's unrealistic that the Angels blindly trusted Charlie's voice coming through a speaker, amirite?
Siri: I'm not sure I understand