@DaddyJew: Daddy, what's for dinner?
"did you have cereal for breakfast?"
@NYC_Blonde: "You know your addiction is bad when you lie and say you're at the gym when really you're out shopping" is the title of my autobiography.
@Muath_tu: My plans must be so fat they never work out.
@caliluvgirl77: Therapist: we need to work on YOU taking responsibility for YOUR actions
Me: *pulls a flask out* WHO PUT THIS IN MY PURSE?
@Landon8426: American Ninja Warrior is a bunch of people who took "the floor is lava" game way to seriously as kids.
@DamienFahey: Piss me off in the grocery store and I'll get in front of you in the checkout line and pay for a single tomato with a personal check.