@AmishPornStar1: "Daddy, why do dogs need whiskers?"
-my 7-year-old son, while discreetly holding scissors in one hand and dog whiskers in the other
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@3sunzzz: The closest I've ever come to being a 'hunter and gatherer' is opening my own pistachios.
@krisv_723: I just got a text saying they lost my cell number & could I send it. This is the level of stupid I deal with.
@bfrosty04: I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites.
@omgthatspunny: Which US state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda
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