@KalvinMacleod: ME: Tell me your weaknesses. INTERVIEWER: um I'm interviewing you! M: *writes ‘hostile'* I: What's that say? M: *writes ‘overly suspicious’*

@Brentweets: If you can't handle me at my worst that makes sense and I'm sorry for setting your house on fire.

@robfee: Can someone tell me the exact crime I need to commit to get put on house arrest because legally having to cancel plans sounds incredible.

@Dawn_M_: Just want to be bitten by a spider without the obligation of becoming a superhero.

@onion_an: [jumps in getaway car after bank robbery] "They said no I couldn't have any money" Damn it, they make it look so easy in the movies