@JhonRules: Dammit I forgot my headphones and I'm at the airport wait here's some for 16 million dollars thank god.
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@SortaBad: *slaps the cup out of the barista's hand* "No. I want Asriel, the guy with the man-bun, to make my latte. He has a better energy"
@TheCiscoKidder: When I see a parked car with the stick figure family on it, I move the husband over and put my studly stick figure next to the wife.
@PlopWaffle: Lois : Clark, are those binoculars? Clark Kent : Yes, I can't find my glasses. Lois : Put them down for a second. Clark : Lois : Clark : No
@Breadery: I taught my daughter to whistle a few days ago and now I'm teaching her that whistling can lead to adoption.