@Black__Elvis: Damn, baby got back. And front. And sides. Baby three-dimensional. This is a real baby.
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@jenyb4: Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say "please put your shoes on" 17,000 times every morning. My dreams have come true.
@Smiilze: Forgot to turn on the oven. Food's been in there for 45mins. I know, cause I set the timer.
@iAmDelFreaky: I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me.