@Elizasoul80: Damn boy, are you a wool sweater because you're irritating the shit out of me.
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@radtoria: Fastening a pendant around my son's neck before dying for him, "Keep this always. The audience won't recognize you as an adult without it"
@ThisOneSayz: Me: what big eyes you have! Me: what big nose you have! Me: what big teeth you have! Dog: you're drunk again, aren't you?
@markydoodoo: At my funeral I want a dozen white doves released. Then shot down. Then buried with me. It'll be confusing af. Can't wait.
@KirstenCatClub: Things a raccoon and I have in common: 1) Dark circles around the eyes. 2) Likes eating junk. 3) We're both cute but will kill you.