@mariokeyparty: Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you're really clingy and annoying
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@sfreeze6: [2015 Bird Awards] AND THE AWARD FOR GROSSEST NAME GOES TO...HORNED GUAN (Lizard Buzzard quietly puts acceptance speech back in pocket)
@djdarrellripley: Him: Hey, you really think that doing all those shots are going to make you forget that you got fired? Me: I got fired?
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: *shoots me with gun* *stuffs gun in my pocket* *runs away* Me: *Realizes he just made it look like a suicide* *keeping an eye on him*