@mariokeyparty: Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you're really clingy and annoying
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@WheelTod: [Busy Diner] Waitress carrying 4 plates: “OK now, honey. Who was eggs?” Me (highly educated): “In a sense...” (scrunching up eyes to read her name badge) ”...Barbara. All of us were once eggs.”
@JiminyKicksIt: I'm not suggesting Cher is a nazi, but at no point during "If I Could Turn Back Time" does she mention killing Hitler.
@droidbears: [caught hiding something in the garbage] gf: are you eating hot wings again? me: no gf: oh really, then touch your eyes me: god damnit