@mariokeyparty: Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you're really clingy and annoying
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@imchriskelly: Someone just tweeted something vague that made me think a celeb had died so I googled "dead." No dice! Thank god---hang in there, celebs!
@hazelmotes1: I keep my monocle freshly waxed so it easily slips out of my eye socket and falls into my cup of tea whenever I'm shocked by your behavior.
@MarkTConard: Someone hash-tagged "share the love," and I read it as "shave the love." I thought, yeah, I can get on board with that.
@ddrwg: [Riding a saddled turtle] BATTLE TORTOISE, GOOOO!! [turtle just goes normal speed for turtles] Aww man.