@Home_Halfway: Damn girl are you a kids movie from my generation because you're fun and cute but also horrifying in many ways I didn't originally realize.
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@pleatedjeans: [approaches outdoor cafe holding balloon w/face drawn on it] Hello table for two ple- [large gust carries balloon away] OH NO MY WIFE
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I need to draw some blood." Me: "Okay." Doctor: "Do you have a red crayon I could borrow?"
@shariv67: Parents tell you their baby's weight because they have no other information. They can't say "Meet Jim, a free spirit who's into yodeling."
@DaddyJew: *something breaks Me: hand me my tools 7: call someone for help Me: no 7 already on the phone: mom, he's trying to fix stuff again