@gabemakesmusic: damn girl are you a mouse because your body is decomposing in my drywall
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@samfromks: Her: What veggies are the kids having with dinner? Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...
@david8hughes: [bank] I'd like to pay this into my account [empties pockets full of cat teeth] OMG I'm so sorry [takes card back] that's the wrong account
@Storminika: Me: 'Why are you going through my phone?' BF: 'Do you have something to hide?' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'