@dawny716: Damn girl, are you alcohol? Because I've had too much of you and I'm going to throw up.
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@TheBoydP: I heard that no real accountants were consulted during the filming of the new movie The Accountant. They want the movie to be entertaining.
@JermHimselfish: The only meal my girlfriend ever makes for me is alphabet soup because even when we aren't fighting she still loves to put words in my mouth
@CoolHegel: "This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut