@R0ckG0d88: Damn girl, are you an appendix because I have no idea what you do but this weird feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.
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@Xoolun: Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I'm now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
@jonnysun: "knock knock" whos there "orange" orange who "orange u glad im not a banana?" .... MARTHA THERES A RACIST ORAMGE AT THE DOOR DO I LET HIM IN
@XplodingUnicorn: Magic words that make my children disappear: 3) Bath time 2) Who did this?! 1) When I was your age...
@Mr_Kapowski: Even if you're single, always blame a declined credit card on your fictional spouse at the register.