@AnOrangeSNES: "Damn girl are you?" -Existentialist pick-up line
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@Cheeseboy22: Dolphin scientists say that dolphins are the smartest animal next to humans, but I think they're only saying that because they're dolphins.
@10InchesPlus: *sees oven left on "What moron left the oven on!?" *tries repeatedly to turn it off "WTF!? Stupid oven!" *realizes 425 is the time
@Brianhopecomedy: Forgot my wallet at home & filled up at the gas station so I have to leave some collateral. Not leaving my phone there so 4 year old it is.
@DanMentos: [nabisco hq] "Wheat Thins sales are down we need ideas" *raises hand* "anyone else?" … … "ok Dan, but I swear to god if u say-" Wheat Thicks