@AnOrangeSNES: "Damn girl are you?" -Existentialist pick-up line
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@BooFricketyHoo: Next update: Twitter will tell you what the retweeter is feeling as they retweet your retweet. And what they had for breakfast.
@Jason_Horton: People are so fake how can you love your newborn baby when you met it like 2 minutes ago and don't know anything about it
@ArfMeasures: WIFE:Someone's broken in ME *grabs baseball bat*Wait here [downstairs] PAL:Can't u just tell her u wanna play baseball M: Keep ur voice down
@JasonCarney31: "911 what's your emergency?" MY WIFE IS BEATING MY KIDS! "Okay. I'll send the police" *hangs up. OH CRAP I FORGOT TO SAY "AT MARIOKART"