@SergioValenCo: Damn girl, are you my Bachelor's degree because you wasted my time and now I hate you.
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@JeremyBRoberts: Scott Walker is dropping out of the Presidential race. In a nationwide poll of likely voters nearly 98% responded to the news with, "Who?"
@RobDenBleyker: Finally watching Michael Bay's TMNT. Best part so far is a dude answering a Skype call and yelling "How did you get this number?!?"
@MonSwanson: I can't wait for my grandma to ask me repeatedly why I don't have a boyfriend "because I'm such a pretty girl". I'm a psycho, grandma.
@TheRealJackDee: Does anyone have the number of a painter/decorator? I really need to get all my windows jammed so they never open again.