@QwertyJones3: Damn girl, are you my Boy Scout troop leader? Cause you're making me pitch a tent.
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@SteveSuckington: [talking to family after emergency surgery] Your positive energy saved my life Surgeon: *waves hand* umm hello
@SteveKoehler22: Our daughter ran away from home once when she was a teenager. We were frantic. Within months, we called the police to report her missing.
@Brianhopecomedy: After I saw that my wife "Checked In" to the mall I called to report her credit cards stolen.