@Jamie1947: Damn girl, are you my cable remote? Because you are weirdly designed and very confusing, and does this row of buttons even do anything?
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@awescar: If you want to hide a gift for your husband, just put it in the pantry with one thing in front of it.
@kiel_phillips: ME: I would like a complaint form ASSISTANT: Sorry, we have none left ME: I would like two complaint forms
@Book_Krazy: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over Me: Idk, but could you move this along? I've had too much to drink and I really need to pee.
@AnitaHelmet: Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.