@illTortuga: Damn girl are you the sun because you need to stay 92,960,000 miles away from me.
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@TheDailySchmuck: I was dating this girl until I found out she stuffed her bra with tissue paper. Then I was hooked because serious allergy issues.
@iinkedZombie: I'm sorry, I’m about to lose you because I’m driving through a tunnel underwater in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone.
@CorkyCrash: I'm happiest when people tell me "Don't be a hero" because there's absolutely no way I'm going to disappoint them.