@RdrJay47: Damn Girl, did you just get in a water balloon fight or are you happy to see me?
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@abhorrent_wife: Please, baseball fans. Enthrall me with complex details about a game where someone hits the ball with a stick and runs around in a circle.
@StellaRtwot: We wouldn't really have any national debt in this country if strippers would just pay their damn income taxes.
@iwearaonesie: coworker: Do you want a plate? me [carrying 2 pieces of cake out of the break room] For what?