@RdrJay47: Damn Girl, did you just get in a water balloon fight or are you happy to see me?
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@reinert03: Somebody left a baby at my front door today, and I have no idea what to do with it. I just hope it's gone by tomorrow.
@RobDenBleyker: Someone please help me with my pope resume, so far all I have is "I look fantastic in large hats."
@Kyle_Lippert: My girlfriend told me that it was either her or my Meatloaf discography. I told her I would do anything for love, but I can't do that.
@krishna_van: "Give me a positive adjective..." "Splendid." "Nice. Now how about a negative adjective?" "Splendidn't."