@briangaar: Damn it's cold out. Better wear a coat, hat, gloves & boots. Sorry legs, you're still getting pants only, thanks for doing all the work tho
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@Token_Geezer: The fact that twitter is at it's busiest during working hours probably tells you all you need to know about the worlds economic problems
@trevso_electric: Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years
@TySmithdrums: Me: "I can't find your phone." Her: "Call it." Me: "Here, phone!" Her: "I hate you."
@KeetPotato: [sex-ed lesson] now, unroll the condom down over the bana- what is it keith? "i ate my banana"