@briangaar: Damn it's cold out. Better wear a coat, hat, gloves & boots. Sorry legs, you're still getting pants only, thanks for doing all the work tho
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@LuckyToken1: Five second rule? Pfft. What's the point of having an immune system if you're not going to use it?
@killerdollrik: I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes - "open bar"
@dragonsorbet: [Picking up girls] Me: you like bad boys, huh? Girls: yea Me to my wing man: tell them Wing man: he's just literally the worst
@64spoons: Know when to holdem *Pick up panties Know when to foldem *Fold em Know when to walk away *Leave laundromat Know when to run *Girl chasing me