@StrawburyDelite: Damn Shakira is doing Activia commercials too now. With all that belly dancing, you'd think she'd be able to shit. Who knew.
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@TheDreamGhoul: *sees window washer in a harness outside office high rise* *holds up sign from desk* YOU'RE NOT EVEN FLYING EVERYONE CAN SEE THE STRINGS
@carlyken:  "Your majesty, last night some angry colonists dumped our tea into the Boston Harbor" *three English ladies faint* WTF THIS MEANS WAR
@pixelatedboat: "They call me Mr Six Hours," I told her, trying to make it sound like a sex thing not the amount of time my head was stuck in a beehive for
@shadygrenade: *Pizza Hut job interview* "Do you own a shitty car and smoke pot?" No sir. "You will."