@ElleOhHell: Damn, Starbucks. Not only do you spell my name completely wrong AND screw up my order, but on my way out some woman keeps calling me a thief
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: What did you get me for Mother's Day? 3-year-old: A cake. Wife: Where is it? 3: You haven't made it yet.
@dubstep4dads: "you okay man?" listen dude... i know what im doing *lights a cigarette backwards* ive seen Guy Code like six times
@shanethevein: I thought I felt a spider crawling on my neck. Now I have to pretend I was breakdancing at this bank.
@ch000ch: the first guy to ride a horse was all like GIDDYUP HORSEY and the horse was all like DAMMIT WHO TOLD HIM THAT MAKES US GO