@WilliamAder: "Damn you, Autocorrect!!!!" - Mark Zuckerberg, who had intended to announce that he was giving away 99% of his socks
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@ohpeetie: You think you understand people and then you see a car with eyelashes on the headlights.
@joemcshutup: Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she's not a "clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend" through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM
@LoveYoorFate: It's like my Uncle said, no body, no crime Coworker: I only asked how your weekend was...
@HolycrapitsaKat: No thanks "protected account". You can't trick me into following you! For all I know, you could be a vegan.