@Lunatic_times: Damn you bladder stop releasing my precious beer.
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@kelkulus: When I get to somebody's house, I text them, because knocking on doors is for poor people.
@MoneypennyNaked: Sex with me is like going to the movies. It's dark & very loud. Bring candy. You can never predict the ending. Some people leave early.
@Humor_Fetish: "Do you want to be the numerator or the denominator tonight...? You're so radical!" How I hit on my imaginary mathematician girlfriend
@Tups13: Researcher: We’d like you to be part of a focus group. Me [squinting terribly]: Who said that?