@KenJennings: Dance like no one is threatening to call the police if you don't take your boombox and leave the Christian Science Reading Room immediately.
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@samuelhlowe: Chasing a Pringles can down a slope is the closest I've ever been to hunting my own food.
@MyHairyLife: Subway calling their employees sandwich artists must really piss off people who actually paint sandwiches for a living.
@Quartzjixler: Nothing says "I enjoyed the taste of paste, fingerpaint, and crayons in first grade" more than a potato chip bag opened from the bottom.
@BlindChow: Karen, will you marry me? "Ugh. No. Please take me home." *20 minutes of awkward silence as hot air balloon slowly descends*