@peteholmes: "dance like no one is watching, walk like someone is behind you trying to get around you." - ancient nyc proverb
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@li4mst3w4rt: alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
@theshamingofjay: Growing a beard comes from laziness. If you ladies think that's sexy I have some laundry on my bedroom floor that'll turn you on.
@SaltyCorpse: I have to go watch my kid in a math competition and I just don't understand why Jesus has forsaken me like this.