@ninatreemonkey: Dance like theres no tomorrow OH MY GOD THERES NO TOMORROW WHY ARE WE DANCING
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@KalvinMacleod: ALIEN: maybe we can teach this planet the secrets of the universe *sees me trying to get pringles from the middle of the can* ALIEN: or not
@HlaoRoo: NRA member: I've got guns. I'm in charge. Me: That's nice. I've got bubonic plague - "cough, cough" - now you do, too. I win.
@shutupmikeginn: I have sloth-like reflexes "Don't you mean catlike reflexes?" [several hours later] No
@juliussharpe: A new study shows dogs recognize pictures of their owners. Also, they're like, "Why are you showing me photos? I'm a dog."