@MadamBetteNoire: Dance like you aren't depressed. Sing like you didn't kill that homeless guy. Love like you don't have herpes.
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@ProdigyNelson: [date] Her: "Well, the horoscopes pretty much govern my life, I'm a sagittarius, what are you?" Me: *halfway out the door* "Educated."
@better_off_dad: Thanks to auto correct, my wife thinks I want to check out Stranger Thongs tonight.
@MoneypennyNaked: 20: Roll out of bed looking like a model 30: Blush, brush hair & go 40: Blowout, perfume, push-up bra, mani, Spanx, facial, plaster of Paris