@MadamBetteNoire: Dance like you aren't depressed. Sing like you didn't kill that homeless guy. Love like you don't have herpes.
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@LMLMadness: Last night I did Crossfit for the first time and now I understand why those people always look so angry.
@Marlebean: I don't mean to sound racist, but why do all Chinese food takeout boxes look the same?
@Kyle_Lippert: Have girl problem? Feel bad for you son. I live in Russia. Have 99 problems. Bear ate car. Wife ate bear. Son ate wife. I eat son now?
@greggjgc79: [catches your phone before it hits the ground] Whew, that was close! [smashes your phone against the wall] See, that could have happened.