@hipstermermaid: Dance like you won't be turned into a gif.
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@carlyken: You haven't truly made it on Twitter until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
@KizerBillhelm: HR says I'm not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(
@FeelsLike2sday: Looking for a nice, wholesome girl I can bring home to mom. She only dates nice, wholesome girls