@vonTraphaus: Dance like you're not the father
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@XplodingUnicorn: How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
@HatfieldAnne: *person walks past me minding his business and not bothering me in any way* “What's this idiot doing?”
@KentWGraham: After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. Usually at family gatherings where she threatens me if I don’t look happy.
@BadaBinge: There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body and some people manage to get on every one.