@vonTraphaus: Dance like you're not the father
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@heroofthehour: whenever I see "likes her own status" on facebook, a little bit of me dies and becomes a horcrux.
@_xLNc: My girlfriend left me for a hindu guy. Anyway, he'll treat her better - they worship cows.
@TheAlexNevil: If you hear one of the high piano keys repeating slowly, you’re either watching a trailer for a horror movie, or you are a parent.
@CorkyKneivel: I can't get her off my mind, even the wind seems to whisper her name. Never fall in love with a girl named WHOOSHEE FFREWERRREFSHH.