@vonTraphaus: Dance like you're not the father
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@Halbeerz: After what happened to Lance Armstrong I'm kinda worried they are gonna come after my bowling trophies
@XplodingUnicorn: I was working in the yard. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a snake. I hit it with a shovel. I'm happy to report the garden hose is dead
@daemonic3: Sweetie, who is this bully stealing your pudding cup before school?!? "Mom, it's-" *dad makes throat slice gesture* "No one, Mom. No one"