@robfee: Dang girl are you Die Hard on TBS because it looks like all the good parts are missing.
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@living_marble: Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen is a weird insult to lob on Twitter. We can still tweet from kitchens. We have wifi & data plans.
@just1fool: "Do you wanna build a snowman?" "Sir, this is a Build a Bear shop." *Pulls out carrot "Oh, you brought a carrot. Sure, whatever."
@CynicalCanuck: Am I in the Mile High Club if I jerk off under a blanket on a plane? Just kidding, United doesn't have blankets. Sorry lady in seat 21B
@3sunzzz: Who is that walking up my driveway?! Anxiety in 3...2...1... [knock, knock] *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."