@robfee: Dang girl are you Die Hard on TBS because it looks like all the good parts are missing.
@d2BMcG: You look dirty, so does your toaster maybe you should both go for a bath... I'll draw it
@PieChord: "A wine please"
"Sir, this is McDonalds..."
"Okay, a McWine please"
@LostInMyWorld97: Dog tried taking me for a run. I wasn't having it. I made her drag me the whole time.
@QwertyJones3: [doctor hooking wires to my chest]
ME: What are you doing?
ME: cardiogram cardiogram cardiogram this is a weird test
@mishakey: Him: Wow you're eating again?
Me: Wow you're celibate again?